Dear Gangaji and Eli,
A letter seems to want to be written, so here it is: a report to let you know how this form is being used, how the Truth moving through this form is being used. Gratitude wants to be expressed over and over and over.
The Leela School has been a profound gift, a beautiful crucible of burning and deepening and a deliciously supportive sangha. Wonderful skillful means to be used. Layers of doubt are dropping and the fire of Truth burns brighter with more and more steadiness and certainty. I love the sessions I do in trade with fellow students from all over the world – beautiful connection!
Dear Gangaji and Eli,
Meeting with you was mysterious and miraculous – indeed, driven by Grace. I am so lucky. As I said as I was weeping at your feet, it was against all odds that I could be there. Really. My husband agreed to take care of our 1 yr old twins and 3 year old daughter. . .after I was offered the trip. It was 40 hours of travel for just over 40 hours of being there…. anyway, enough about the ‘story’ =).
Now, as I sit here, I feel a deep silence that extends to at least Jupiter and back. It is so quiet. I’ve never heard such a beautiful deep quiet before. And from this quiet, there is nothing to say. I just wanted to share it with you both.
i just wanted to say thank you for everything.
I feel completely transformed since I have gone back to my job. For the first time I feel fully engaged and out of the way. Whatever needs to be done, some sort of drive to do it for, has fallen away. What a relief!!!I am still carefully watching this propaganda machine, checking where I am telling the truth and where I am not and what is running deeper. Even writing this mail …
Lunch With EliThe master fed the servant With simple elegance No wasted words were spoken As he softly plied his dance His presence was so natural No footprint fell to ground More like the early morning Breathing ether into sound
Dearest Eli and Everyone,
No escape :). Last weekend I was literally taken to a sangha where I was asked to give a video-satsang and talk about my insights. Mysteriously a friend of mine called me last week to join him and talk in front of a group of people at the weekend. They usually meet every month but the leader of the group became ill. After this satsang, I really experienced what Papaji said:” I’ve never given satsang, I always only receive satsang.” At the end of the day I got so deeply silent, there was just space, love, peace, oneness, gratitude.
Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night
Early in the morning
before the sun expressed itself
before blackbirds stopped singing
in the dead of night
the bells began to ring
candles on windowsills
pushed the darkness out
gently but relentlessly
and angels marveled at
this sudden illumination
There is no expansiveness more common than the soul
It is the gift of wings when feet are rooted to the soil,
when being is mistaken for limitation,
when something seems irretrievably lost.
Here, in a whirling heart, lives the height of joy.
Even with eyes closed, I can feel its fluttering
the invitation calling a name that belongs to everything.
Even with eyes closed there is nothing I have to do to find you.
We both are missing being in satsang with you. But we are taking care of our bodies for right now which has been a great challenge my cancer came back just before New Years. We have both been growing in spite of our lack of being with you.
I’ve seen my attachment to my body much more clearly since we last saw each other. I woke up last week and I couldn’t understand what this weight was everyday I woke I’d feel this weight and couldn’t describe it. But I could describe what it felt like, sadness. I shared it with Adrian he told me he ‘d been feeling the same way and told him that I understood it to be fixation it was about the attachment to the body, a body that is harmonious physically. He said, “ I think you’re right”. Once we both saw it , it burned and a smile came over our faces.
I just returned from being at Harbin for a couple of days — on my own for the first time since Meera was born and it was very beautiful and rejuvenating. I wanted to share that I was in the hot pool with my heart at the source of the mother spring…stinging hot water pouring over and through me and I felt YOU so deeply! So beautifully…YOU…Papaji, Ramana…there was only YOU, only LOVE and I was so touched. You are alive in me ever more deeply. I am so grateful for the time I got to spend in person with you breathing down my neck. How it did serve!
I love you always!
May this New Year bring all Beauty, Love and unending and ever deeper Freedom.
In gratitude and love,
Five and a half year ago, I learned I had breast cancer.
In the middle of a huge crowd of people a radiologist called to tell me the news on my cell phone. As I felt my mind and body tumble through space, Eli’s voice called out to me: “It’s always a good day to die.”
Many diseases and much physical devastation later, I’ve been given the Grace to live that Truth as this ego body dies. The diagnosis is unimportant. The realization is Everything. Any day is a great day to die to the imagined future, and the not-good-enough past. It’s always a good day to quiet the mental and physical and emotional stories we tell ourselves, no matter how logical or righteous they may seem at the time.
- Eli Jaxon-Bear
- Leela School