Dearest Eli and Everyone,
No escape :). Last weekend I was literally taken to a sangha where I was asked to give a video-satsang and talk about my insights. Mysteriously a friend of mine called me last week to join him and talk in front of a group of people at the weekend. They usually meet every month but the leader of the group became ill. After this satsang, I really experienced what Papaji said:” I’ve never given satsang, I always only receive satsang.” At the end of the day I got so deeply silent, there was just space, love, peace, oneness, gratitude.
Although there was so much silence and love the day before the event, of course when I got there I had to face my fear of losing control :), the stupidness of wanting to meet other people’s needs, the fear of I will not be loved and I will be judged.. etc, and all kinds of fears that usually come with the 6 fixation. And the greatest thing is that the fear was there but IT DID NOT MATTER. I was used by Grace anyway. It was really burning in me but deep inside there was so much trust!